How We Treat Ourselves: Being Kind to the Person in the Mirror
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how we treat ourselves. As women especially, we’re constantly thinking about all the ways in which we can be better.
Yes, a lot of that revolves around appearance. In the media and social media, we are constantly provided with a barrage of images. Those images don’t specifically come with a caption that says: you’re not skinny enough. You’re not pretty enough. Your clothes are ugly. But let me tell you, it’s implied. With every scroll, the ill-favored countenance of comparison creeps in. Regardless of whether you think you’re doing it or not, it’s subconscious. With all of the social media platforms, I have to remind myself: am I using this for inspiration? Or is it having a more negative impact on my psyche?
As a teacher, I think of how these images are impacting the youth. If a grown woman can sometimes get caught in the comparison trap, what is the endless scrolling going to do to a young girl who is trying to figure out who she is? Will she truly be able to become her own person? Or will she be caught up in what society tells us is beautiful?
I’m missing teaching because in the fourth grade, you get to see kids being unapologetically themselves. Some of them are obsessed with cats (ok a lot of them are….but that’s a topic for another day…), some of them draw weird little cartoons all over every scrap of paper they can get their hands on, and some of them genuinely believe they’re going to the NHL. Just to name a few. Nothing is holding them back, because most of the time, they don’t compare themselves to one another. I think comparison is an innately human trait that eventually seeps in, but I wish it was one we could forego.
I think of the ways that I speak to myself on a regular basis. In my thoughts of course…I haven’t gone entirely mad yet. Often when I really pay attention, the thoughts I have are putting me down. They’re telling me that I need to have different clothes. They’re telling me that my house isn’t updated or tidy enough. They’re telling me that I need to lose weight. If I spoke to a friend in this way, she likely wouldn’t be my friend for very long. It’s unkind.
Lately when I look at photos of myself, I try to find ways to focus on all the parts of myself that I love. If I imagine myself a stranger, and I’m looking at her for the first time, what would I be thinking? I know what I usually think when I’m out and about and I see another woman. I’m usually admiring her smile or the way her hair is styled. I’ll notice the way she did her makeup, and the cool outfit she put together. Very rarely do I take time to notice anything negative about another woman. So I need to treat myself the same way. I want to notice all the good. Those are the parts of myself that I want to focus on. I don’t want to compare myself to other women, because I’m me, and I don’t want to change.
In a world where we are constantly shown edited images of the “perfect life” or the “perfect body;” the most stylish clothes and the “prettiest” faces, I hope that even when it’s hard, we can choose not to compare. I hope we see these images as creative inspiration, and not as a notice that we need to change to fit what is perceived as best. I hope that my nieces, sisters, mothers, and friends can see how truly beautiful they are to those around them. I hope they’re able to view themselves as important for their own unique qualities.
Keep smiling, keep shining, keep being yourself. Remember to take a look at how you treat yourself, and treat her kindly.
XO, Rayel