Medical Mom Burn Out: Struggling to Self-Motivate
Lately I’ve been struggling to self-motivate. If anything, I’m feeling a little burnt out, and it’s hard to get back on track.
Driving every week to the city for Arden’s casting appointments has kept us very busy. Every Saturday, I pack for us. Every Sunday, we load up and drive 6 hours to get to our destination, stay one night, attend Arden’s appointments on Monday, and then drive back. We arrive home on Monday evening. Arden is sore from his new casts and we’re tired. On Tuesday I usually have respite, so I take that time to unpack, reorganize, and do what seems like mountains of laundry. There are only three of us. HOW is there always SO MUCH LAUNDRY?!
I realize that our trip only takes two days out of our week. But for some reason, it seems to be throwing me off. I’m a little extra tired, a little extra clumsy, and a little extra emotional at times. The to-do list of gottas just seems to keep piling up, and instead of just checking them off one by one, I’m feeling anxious. I often feel as if I have to get everything done at once, and in turn, end up completing very little from start to finish.
I know that this is just another season of Arden’s development. We have been and will continue to go through many phases like this. But on top of feeling like I’m never caught up, I’m also feeling for my baby during this time. Every week, Arden has done so well traveling. He’s happy most of the time, fusses only when really necessary to express himself, and makes a fairly quick transition into having new casts each week. He really is a trooper! But serial casting is uncomfortable.
For about 48 hours after each new set of casts, Arden is uncomfortable and sore. If you can imagine doing a stretch that is difficult for you, and then holding that stretch 24/7, that’s comparable to what Arden feels. He usually requires some tylenol or ibuprofen to help make him comfortable, but sleep is often tricky for our boy during those first couple days each week.
On top of that, Arden also popped out two teeth last week. After wondering why last week’s set of casts seemed to be taking him way longer to adjust to, we realized that the culprit for all the fuss were actually two new bottom molars. He now has ten teeth, which I’ll admit is pretty adorable. We’re sure enjoying the toothy grins we get from Arden.
Lately I’m also finding that my eating habits have gone by the wayside. I’ve been terrible at snacking instead of just sitting down to eat a healthy meal. I know for sure that I’m drinking far too much coffee and far too little water. It needs to change, but habits are hard to break. I don’t exercise enough and I often skip breakfast. I know that my body and my mind take the toll, and I need to make some changes.
With these moments of burn-out, I’ve also found it’s hard to make time (or feel good about the time that I do take) for my own passions. Writing hasn’t been coming easily for me, and so in my short quiet moments, I’ve found myself reading or knitting or watching tv. Realistically, all these activities are normal, but because I feel like I’m falling behind in the housework, it’s hard to feel good about taking breaks.
I guess overall I’m admitting that things aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. I’ve talked about it before, but I’m very guilty of toxic positivity…towards myself. I always tell myself that if I just “get it together” everything will be fine. But sometimes it’s hard to just “get it together.” Sometimes it’s hard to slap on the lipstick and pretend you’re doing great. Sometimes I have weeks, like this one, where I know that I’m in my pajamas for far too long. I know that I should fold and put away that pile of laundry in the corner, but it’s going to take me a while to get there.
I think perhaps, that if I just allow myself the space to falter a bit, maybe my body and mind will be able to recharge, and I’ll have my motivation back in no time. In the meantime, I’m just doing my best. Some days, “my best” looks a little different. And that’s okay too.
XO, Rayel
Rayel, you wont believe it but I have been thinking the same lately, too many things happening, not getting enough done, too much time in my chair knitting! Your post has helped me so much to think this through and take one step at a time. I also know that a trip to Edmonton every week is exhausting. We don’t go every week but we have been going often for Dale’s eyes and it really wears you down. You are doing a great job, keep up the good work and take care of YOU!
it is your journey, and its ok to do it the way you need to do it. take a step back and don’t be so judgmental on your self. I read a book once and one thing really stuck out in my mind *** it was would you talk to a friend the same way you talk to your self. the answer was no. it ok to have a bad day or a bad month its ok to be tired allow your self to have those feelings with out the negative comments from your self. and take things one little step at a time and remember some of your feelings come from your emotions on the changes happening with Arden and your mind needs time to take it all in. (hugs)
You are doing amazing Mama! And it’s totally ok to get in these slumps. Feel all the feels and keep going.