Defining Our Identities: Shifting the Focus from Career to Passion

Lately I’ve been having a difficult time responding when people ask, “What do you do?” In our society, when people ask this question, what they really mean is,” What do you do for work? What is your job? Do you have a career?” When asked this question before, I used to proudly reply, “I’m a teacher!” Now, as I’m already 1 month into my second year on leave, I find myself unsure what to say in response. I used to be a teacher? I’m a teacher on leave? 

Sometimes it disturbs me how deeply we tie our identity with what we do to make money. Sure, there are many jobs and careers that people are passionate about. In those circumstances, it makes sense that a job would be a *part* of their identity. But in my opinion, a job should not be your whole identity. When I converse with people, I am not basing their worth on the type of career they have. I am not basing their success as a human being on how far they have climbed up the corporate ladder. Sure, those are things to be proud of, but it shouldn’t be the defining point of someone’s identity. 

There are so many other parts of peoples’ identities that hold value. I love to hear about the books you’re reading. I want to hear about that 10K run you accomplished last weekend. Are you a gardener? Do you love to travel? Maybe you have a sport that you’re passionate about. Tell me all about it! I think that there is much more to learn about someone based on the things that they do when they’re intrinsically motivated. I think that what a person chooses to do with their spare time says a lot more about them as a person than what they must do in order to make a living. I believe that we find deeper connection with others when we share the things that truly make our souls come alive. 

The more time that I spend at home with Arden, the more I find myself feeling as if I’m not accomplishing enough. I wonder if my contributions add up to enough when I’m not making an income. This is the longest time that I’ve gone without working since I was 12 years old. Heck, even at 11 I took on odd jobs here and there to earn myself an income. But I wonder where this feeling comes from? I wonder when I developed this subconscious notion that I need to make an income in order to be successful or worthy. Don’t get me wrong, we all need to make an income in order to live! But perhaps we shouldn’t always be tying another’s worth to the type of job s/he does to make money. 

Even as children, the expectation that we’ll have a career is present. On first days of school, children are asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” If you actually dissect that question, it could mean whatever you want it to mean. But in our societal context, what it really means is, “What do you want to do for a job that will make you money when you grow up?” Sure, encouraging children to strive towards a career that they’re passionate about is important. But it shouldn’t be our only focus. 

I’ve met some pretty inspiring people who work jobs that could be considered mundane. For example, one of the most inspiring, caring, incredible people I have ever met is currently “just a cleaning lady” at the hospital. If someone were to ask her what she does for a living, I would never want them to define her by her work as a janitor. I would want them to see what a loving, tender, selfless person she is. I would want them to hear about the apples and tomatoes she grows in abundance on her farm. I would want them to learn about her grandchildren, and see her eyes light up when she talks about them. 

Sometimes it even seems as if value is placed on specific hobbies over others. Growing up, I always felt as if those who participated in a sport were valued more. At school assemblies, they gave awards for most valuable players and medals for sporting events that were won. They didn’t give out trophies to the kid who could read 3-4 books in a week, or that knew the lyrics to the most songs from music ranging from 1960-1995. I would have won those  awards hands down. 

This is in no way a sob story, and I’m not sore because I didn’t win more awards in school (cue the recent phenomenon of kids who think they should win an award just for breathing….that’s a whole other topic! haha). All I’m saying is that whatever you do to fill up your life is important to me, and I want to learn about it. I will not place value on one career over another, one hobby over another. Whatever sets your soul on fire is good enough for me! 

I feel as if no matter where I am, I’m always a teacher in my heart. Right now I’m teaching the world about my son. I’m teaching myself how to embroider, how to write, how to edit videos, how to cook, and how to grow plants. I share my feelings and ideas in ways that aim to educate and inspire others. Despite being home almost every single day, I’m finding ways to connect, share my passions, and make a difference. The people who love me see that and value me for me. 

XO, Rayel