Crying Over Spilled Milk: Even Ridiculous Days Can End in a Little Joy and a Little Laughter

Last week I had one of those days when every little thing goes wrong. It’s not a bad day. Just a day when small events seem to pile up in a way that becomes overwhelming. 

I will honestly say that since Arden was born, I’ve taken a certain amount of pride in “having it all together.” I like to plan and I like our days to run smoothly. I realize that might sound ridiculous considering a one year old essentially calls the shots around here, but hey, I’m usually trying. 

I try to get up in the morning, get dressed, and look presentable so that I feel ready to take on the day. This is the longest I have gone without going to work since I was 12 years old, and it’s hard for me to not have a routine. I try to create one in order to maintain my sanity. I like to look presentable so that I feel ready and capable. I like to schedule and organize and make to-do lists so that I feel accomplished. 

However, this past week, I was in a slump. I often go to bed too late because I’m trying desperately to have some me time to do activities that I want to do after Arden goes to sleep and his night caregiver arrives. I sleep well, but still seem to want more when it’s time to get up in the morning. Instead of getting up early to get ready before Arden’s caregivers leave, I’ll push my snooze button until 10 minutes before they have to go. Of course, then I’m still in my pajamas, not ready for the day, and feeling behind. But it has been hard to motivate myself! 

I’ve felt like I’m not eating right lately. And I know that I need to get exercising more, but kicking my own butt into gear has not been easy. My mom used to always say, “The hardest butt to kick around is your own!” and it’s so true. I’ve spent years motivating my students to complete tasks and stick to a routine, but it’s a lot harder when I have to apply the same tactics to myself. 

There’s so much freedom being home with Arden, and being his mom and caregiver. I love spending all of my days with our sweet boy. Seeing him grow and change every single day is the greatest blessing I’ve ever experienced. Lately we’ve expanded our horizons, spent many wonderful days outside, taken walks, visited different places, and experienced new things together. But I still get burnt out. I don’t get breaks. 

There are many times when Arden plays happily and I’m able to get to a lot of the tasks I need to do. Then there are times when he needs me so much that I hardly leave his side. On those days I’m reminded that nothing else really matters, and the to-do list can wait. Then there are days when it doesn’t matter what I do, the universe just seems to be testing me. And on those days, all I can do is power through and laugh about it later. 

Last week, I had planned for Arden and I to take a walk to the greenhouse. But as I began to get everything ready, Arden was fussy and upset, and anytime I left his sight he cried. I figured that if I could just get us out of the house and into the fresh air, we’d both feel better for it. So I pushed on, trying to get everything ready. But in the meantime, many little bumps in the road occurred. 

In an attempt to gain and keep my full attention, Arden was pulling off his vent circuit every minute or two. He cried whenever he lost sight of me as I was going in and out of other rooms to gather supplies for our walk. As our dogs realized that I was parking the stroller outside and getting ready for a walk, they began crying and yiping – realizing that they would be left behind in the house. (And yes…I leave our dogs behind when we go on a walk because I can’t push a stroller full of baby and medical supplies, wheel an oxygen cart, and leash two dogs all at the same time. I’d like to think I am, but I’m not superwoman!) 

Once all of the supplies were ready, I felt confident that things would soon be better! We were going outside! Fresh air always makes things better! However, as I was carrying Arden and his vent down the front steps, his circuit fell off. Not just off of him, but it also disconnected from his vent as well, and tumbled down the steps. Great. After getting the circuit reconnected, Arden put into his stroller, oxygen hooked up, and all supplies strapped onto myself and the stroller, we were ready to roll. As we walked away, Arden cried and the dogs yiped and cried through the window at us.

As soon as we started rolling down our bumpy gravel road, Arden smiled. Success! I knew that once we had made it outside, all would be well. Once we arrived at the greenhouse, the two of us were happy as can be. I don’t know what it is about that place that just brings out the best in us. It’s a happy place. Stepping into the greenhouse is like taking a quick tropical vacation. 

Our peace would be disrupted soon though, as a few more chaotic moments had yet to ensue. As it was time for Arden to eat, and I had packed his feed supplies, I parked Arden near the till area and hung up his gravity feed bag. All was well until the owner’s ultra-friendly dog ran by, hooking the feed line and nearly pulling Arden’s gtube out. We rushed to grab the line and dog, and everything was okay. 

However, I soon realized that the med port on Arden’s gtube extension had popped open. While I had thought that he was being fed, much of his formula had actually spilled under his bum, into the seat of his stroller/carseat combo. 

I took Arden out of his carseat, and using my jacket and his blanket as bedding, I laid him down on the floor of the greenhouse. While I was laying him down, the ultra-friendly dog waddled by and licked his cheek. Well, that started a whole new round of crying because when you’re 13 months old and a strange dog licks you it’s pretty much the most traumatic thing that ever happened! 

While I was calming Arden and trying to take off his formula-soaked shorts, my finger hooked his diaper…which now happened to be filled with a large number two…that was now on my finger and under my nail. 

With help from the greenhouse owner, who is also a dear friend, the carseat got cleaned up, Arden got his diaper changed, and although he was now pantsless, things were looking up. However, at that moment, I couldn’t believe all the ridiculousness that had ensued…and I began to cry. The emotion just leaked out of my face a little bit, and I joked that I was literally crying over spilled milk. 

Just as I was thinking that it was time to walk back home, it started raining. No big deal, we were safe in the greenhouse, and we could wait it out. 

As the rain cleared up, I looked out, and saw that the plumber who was supposed to come install a reverse osmosis system on our kitchen sink was driving by and arriving at our house. He would be waiting a long time to get in until Arden and I could roll our way home! Luckily, the greenhouse owner (who also happens to be a great neighbor and friend) hopped on her side-by-side and went to let him in for me, so that we could take our time getting back if needed. Despite all of our mishaps, we had really had a wonderful time at the greenhouse! Even though we had brought a little crazy into the space, we still got to leave with a little bit of peace and joy. 

We left the greenhouse at just the right time. The rain had stopped and we were able to stay dry. When we finally rolled up to our front steps, it started to sprinkle again. In my hurry to get us inside, I lifted Arden’s car seat off of his stroller, forgetting that the suction machine needs to be taken off the back first for even weight distribution. The whole stroller flipped over with his vent inside. Luckily, I was able to quickly catch and lift out the vent so that it didn’t pull on Arden.

After getting Arden inside, it began to pour. I rushed to get Arden into his bedroom and attached to his other vent and his oxygen concentrator so that I could run back outside and get the suction, emergency supplies, and stroller before they all became soaked. 

While this was happening, Arden was getting sleepy and fussy once more. As I tried to make him comfortable in his crib for nap time, I also had to communicate a bit with the plumber. We were soon able to hide out in Arden’s room, and despite the loud sounds of drilling and other work happening in our kitchen, Arden fell asleep. I was finally able to sit down and relax, and instead of doing anything on the “to-do list,” I read a book. 

The universe never gives us more than we can handle. Some days are hard, some days are peaceful, and some days are downright ridiculous. And on the downright ridiculous ones, all a gal can do is laugh about it…and perhaps have a glass of wine or two. 

XO, Rayel